 | 1. | Sean Astin | A. | Whoa! Ranked one of TV Guide's greatest teen idols, he recently filed for divorce. |
 | 2. | Andrea Barber | B. | After her identity crisis, she just missed landing a role on Scrubs. |
 | 3. | Brice Beckham | C. | He didn't shoot his eye out, and now he calls the shots producing a hit TV show. |
 | 4. | Peter Billingsley | D. | Gave up pinchers of power to work as a stunt choreographer on films. Now he really screams when he sees a $50 bill. |
 | 5. | Todd Bridges | E. | Worked as porn star Crave because she was broke. |
 | 6. | Tiffany Brissette | F. | Still hangin' at The Max, wishing things went better with Kelly. |
 | 7. | Danny Cooksey | G. | Arrested for robbery, arrested for forgery, then got into porn, booze, porn, drugs, porn and eventually committed suicide. |
 | 8. | Macaulay Culkin | H. | Possibly selling women's shoes. |
 | 9. | Josie Davis | I. | Resurrected career by losing the "Y" from his name. |
 | 10. | David Faustino | J. | After befriending Leo, he did what anyone would do -- he decided to jump out of airplanes. |
 | 11. | Corey Feldman | K. | Whiz kid blew a lot of brain cells snortin' coke off a woman's ass while driving through the swamps of Jersey. |
 | 12. | Michael Fishman | L. | Token black character actor in teen/college stupid-humor genre |
 | 13. | Jamiee Foxworth | M. | Scrawny typecast nerd got buff and somehow lost his mojo. |
 | 14. | Soleil Moon Frye | N. | Won a few celebrity versions of game shows; posed in lingerie in magazine spread. |
 | 15. | Lecy Goranson | O. | Got beat up for his Jets jacket, went into hiding, then resurfaced as The Mole. |
 | 16. | Anthony Michael Hall | P. | Eagerly awaiting the return of Valerie. |
 | 17. | Neil Patrick Harris | Q. | She moved out of town, Mr. Arnold died, and it's been just too depressing trying to find her. |
 | 18. | Staci Keanan | R. | This little sleuth couldn't hardly wait to get into politics. |
 | 19. | Charlie Korsmo | S. | Academy Award nominee OD'ed way too young. |
 | 20. | Joey Lawrence | T. | Sources speculate she is still stalking overly happy families in the Bay Area. |
 | 21. | Mario Lopez | U. | Alleged to still be recovering from discovering the truth about her two dads. |
 | 22. | Ralph Macchio | V. | Traded bleach-blonde poof hair for black goth 'do, and formed a rock band with her brother. Those Young Republicans sure do have a wild side. |
 | 23. | Danica McKellar | W. | Classic underdog lead took sidekick roles as portly, furry-footed fella and lisp-riddled mesh-shirt guy. |
 | 24. | Jeremy Miller | X. | Bowl-head turned mullet-head fronted a heavy metal band, and is now pursuing voice work. |
 | 25. | Mary-Kate Olsen | Y. | After his parents screwed him out of money and he'd had enough of sleepovers with his "special friend," he married early and got busted with pot. |
 | 26. | River Phoenix | Z. | It's no small wonder this monotone actress hasn't been onscreen in years. Might wanna check the local drive-through. |
 | 27. | Danny Pintauro | AA. | Cult fans stand by his uber-successful blog. |
 | 28. | Dana Plato | BB. | Possibly in jail awaiting the arrival of his cousin Vinny. |
 | 29. | Danny Ponce | CC. | All that studying paved the way for roles in CSI and The Division. |
 | 30. | Keshia Knight Pulliam | DD. | Turns table on tabloids and outs himself, then stars in myriad stage productions. |
 | 31. | Jonathan Ke Quan | EE. | Possibly trapped in an abandoned fridge for some time. |
 | 32. | Deon Richmond | FF. | Years spent mimicking the British butler paid off when he began his serious theatre career. |
 | 33. | Fred Savage | GG. | Trying to count the number of zeroes on her bank statement, she got her herself in big trouble, mister, and turned to drugs before checking herself into rehab. |
 | 34. | Ricky Schroeder | HH. | Followed in his TV family's tradition and got married at 18. |
 | 35. | Wil Wheaton | II. | Possibly watching his collection of Crave adult films. |
 | 36. | Jaleel White | JJ. | On his 23rd hair color, he got married on a reality TV show. |
 | 37. | Tina Yothers | KK. | Acquitted of assault with a deadly weapon and attempted murder. |
